Till I Saw Your Face
by TheCreamsoda9
Summary: Kurt Hummel is a simple kid. Plain hoodies, blue jeans, and an air of shyness as he walks down the halls of Mckinley. But things are not the way he wants them to be. When he meets a cute boy named Blaine through a family friend, the boys' lives start to unravel. A story about coming out of your shell and finding happiness. Filled with smut, fluff, and a whole lot of suspense.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone. You won't be hearing from me much, but I'd like to hear from you. This is a starter to a whole Klaine story I have planned. If this small chapter peaks anyone's interest, I will continue from here. I only ask a couple of things. If you guys can continue to give me feedback, I can promise you three things. One: I will post regularly. I will not abandon this story. I know first-hand how frustrating it is to read an amazing** **fic that ends unfinished. Two: The chapters will get longer. Much longer. The reason this chapter is so small is simply because I am testing the waters to see how much interest this idea gets. And three: This story will not be a sliver short of amazing. I fully intend to put my absolute all into this fic, and although you don't see much of that in this first chapter, trust me, it's coming. Fast. With that said, please enjoy. I promise next time I won't talk as much.**

 **I do not own Glee, Kurt, Blaine, or any other characters blah blah blah keep reading.**

Kurt 's eyes are downcast, his feet dragging slightly on the tile floor while he walks to his destination. He knows this mall like the back of his hand. As he should, since he comes here at least every Sunday to catch up on the latest fashion trends, while, according to his father he's supposed to be at the library. It's not that his father would be upset to know that Kurt frequently goes shopping once (maybe twice) a week. It's just that it would seem a little suspicious; especially in Kurt's situation.

He barely lifts his head, preferring yet to seem nonchalant as he mentally maps out the mall, knowing exactly which store to go to. After only a few more feet, he's there, finally looking up at the entrance. ' _Hollister'_ in big black letters stares back at him. Kurt mentally berades himself for, yet again, entering such a cliché teenage store, but since his favourite (or let's say, least awful) hoodie recently got stained with a medley of different colours from a most unfortunate slushie ambush at school, Kurt has no choice but to replace said clothing.

He walks inside and his pace gradually slows till he eventually stops. Here it is; Kurt's favourite moment when going on these special shopping trips. He looks to the left; plaid, dark-wash jeans, thick polyester hoodies and plain t-shirts branded with the store logo. He looks to the right; his eyes glazing over some of the more feminine articles of clothing in search for things more his style, his _real_ style; bright skinny jeans, fashionable fall jackets, and a cute pair of floral army boots that he saw online.

He turns to the left and keeps walking. It does no good to stare and Kurt still doesn't know why he even tries. But, he sort of does. He wants those few seconds, _needs_ them, those few short seconds where Kurt can stand in between the two gender-clad sides of the store and simply day dream. Dream of the day where he'll be able to go over to the right side, to pick out a pair of skinny jeans, maybe red ones, and to buy those boots and those jackets and that cute scarf he caught a glimpse of over at the sales rack.

But he knows he can't. If he does, his whole life would change drastically. If he buys those clothes he knows his father will ask questions. And when his father asks questions, he won't have an answer. And when he doesn't have an answer, his father might assume the wrong things, or worse; the _right_ things.

Kurt knows. He's known for some time now. And although he's been honest with himself from the start, there's still that shred of hope. That tiny part inside of him that whispers almost every day- ' _Maybe I'm not gay. Maybe it's just a phase'._ He knows its ridiculous to think that. That these things aren't just phases. He knows who he is. But he still can't help but hope. Maybe one day.

Until then, however, Kurt walks to the boys' section. He spots the hoodie rack and quickly pulls out a small in blue. He doesn't bother inspecting anything else on the rack; they all look the same. He pays quietly and then exits the store, taking one last longing look towards the skinny jeans and scarves.


	2. Chapter 2

It's like a buzzing sound. A constant ringing in the back of his head that is just quiet enough that he can ignore it, but loud enough to know that it's there. It never stops. Wherever Kurt goes he can feel it; the unsettling conclusion that something just isn't right. He knows his dad can feel it too, but neither of them acknowledge it. It frightens Kurt though, he's afraid that maybe one day the buzzing will get louder and louder until it's deafening.

Even now, as Kurt walks down the halls of McKinley, he feels it again. He takes a deep breath and keeps walking. _One more class until lunch._ He thinks to himself. Then he can escape from the stares for just a few minutes, which he covets. Those precious forty minutes where Kurt can just hide from everyone and actually _breathe._

Kurt feels a lot of that lately, he thinks. Nowadays it feels like he's constantly holding his breath, waiting for something to happen. Maybe he's just waiting for the buzzing to stop. Or get louder.

 _Mindy Kellbourg_ he thinks as he sees her walking by. He already knows who it is without looking up. He's memorized the feel of her stare. The weight of her judging eyes as she stares at him for just a split second, but long enough for Kurt to feel the _hate, confusion, disgusting, fag, gross, unnatural_ words roll off of her. This is how it is. The one and only person Kurt confided in years ago. He was eight, so was she. Third grade. They weren't the best of friends, but to Kurt she could be trusted. Everyone could be trusted. Kurt shrinks in on himself with the thought. _The innocence,_ he thinks. All those years ago, when Mindy said she thought Jake was cute, a boy a year older in their school. Kurt knew who she was talking about. Jake had pretty eyes. Anyone could see that. He agreed. She thought Kurt was gross for looking at Jakes eyes like that. _"ONLY GIRLS CAN DO THAT" "YOU'RE JUST WEIRD, KURT!"_

Thankfully, Mindy never told anyone what happened. Or at least, he didn't think she did. She was, in fact, the only one that looked at Kurt like that with the _gross, weird, hate, hurt_ words that always popped into Kurt's head when he saw her look at him like that.

The bell rang as Kurt walked into his second class. This was Media class, one of Kurt's favourite and least favourite classes. On one hand, the teacher really seemed to like him, and she let him put his head down and relax when he wanted to. On the other hand, this class had no prerequisites, and Mrs. Brathe was known as an easy marker, so needless to say this class was quite attractive to the lazy students. Unfortunately for Kurt, these people included Azimio and Craig. Two jocks on the football team.

They've never spoken to Kurt, or acknowledge his existence for the matter. But Kurt feels nervous around them. He knows how they feel towards people that are different. People that are less. He's seen them slushie that kid with the thick glasses and red hair. That kid transferred out last semester, and everyone knows why. He had to escape the torment because he must have not been able to take it for much longer. The jocks are now on lookout for a new victim, and Kurt has never felt so nervous in his life when he sees them in class on the days they decide to show up. He feels like they can hear the buzzing too.

Kurt shakes his head. _Of course they can't, you lunatic. Who complains about a buzzing noise that's not actually a noise at all? Maybe I'll start hearing voices now, too. Oh god, I'm talking to myself again._

Kurt side-eyes the jocks. They were passed out in the corner of the classroom. Mrs. Brathe didn't seem to care today, after all, it was a Monday. Suddenly Kurt felt really tired as well, and laid his head on the desk, facing away from the class, finally allowing himself to breathe.

About ten years ago, when Kurt was only six, he had his first panic attack. He remembers having his friend Braeden over for a play date. They were playing ninja turtles; both boys running around on the padded basement floor in their teenage mutant ninja turtle pj's. Kurt loved ninja turtles, but for some reason he really wanted to play house.

"Wanna play house?" Kurt had asked.

"What's that?" Braeden asked, his small eyebrows bunching together in confusion.

"It's where you pretend to have babies and a house and then you be like grown-ups and then you make dinner!" Kurt was very excited to play this game and he hoped Braeden would be too.

"Don't we need a mommy if we wants to have babies?" Braeden asked while playing with his Leonardo action figure.

Kurt didn't know what to say. He wasn't really sure.

"Well.. maybe we can both be daddies instead!" Kurt hesitated. Even when Kurt was six he knew he was different for thinking that.

"THAT CAN'T BE TRUE YOU NEED A MOMMY!" Braeden shouted. He ran upstairs to ask Elizabeth, Kurt's mom, if it was true.

Elizabeth was in the middle of making dinner when she heard Braeden running up the stairs.

"Kurt wanted to play house and he said we could both be daddies and have babies but that's not true right? Only mommies and daddies can have babies, right?"

Elizabeth hesitated. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Elizabeth remembers Kurt asking if he could one day be a prince and save the princess from the bad guys. Except Kurt seemed to think he would be running to save a _prince_ rather than a princess.

She didn't know what to say. Of course, she would still love Kurt more than anything even if he turned out to be gay, but he just seemed so _young_ to start having these feelings. Either way, Elizabeth knew that she had to support her son.

"Braeden, daddies can have babies too if they want to!" She said enthusiastically. She saw Kurt padding up the stairs as she spoke.

"I don't get it. Everyone is a mommy and daddy! I've never seen two _daddies_ before." Braeden crossed his little arms over his chest, his bottom lip sticking out subtly.

As Elizabeth was about to reply, she saw movement out of the corner of her eyes. She looked over to see Kurt bolting up the stairs, his legs disappearing as he turned the corner into the upstairs bathroom. The door slammed shut.

Sensing that something was wrong, Elizabeth quickly turned on the television, grateful that a new episode of Spongebob Squarepants was currently playing. She sat Braeden in front of the tv.

"Braeden just wait here and watch cartoons while I go get Kurt, okay?"

The small boy didn't respond; his eyes already glazed over as he inched closer to the tv.

Elizabeth sighed and went upstairs, gingerly knocking on the bathroom door.

"Kurt, sweetie? Can you open the door for me?" No answer.

"Kurt? Baby let mommy in so we can talk" Still no response. She began to panic. Usually whenever Kurt locks himself in the bathroom he yells from the other side, asking to be left alone. She presses her head to the door, straining her ears to hear something, _anything._

The first thing she can make out is the sound of heavy breathing. She can hear nails dragging across the linoleum floor. "Kurt? Kurt!" Still no answer. Elizabeth springs into action, running down the stairs to the kitchen. She reached behind the microwave to grab the spare bathroom key. This is about the tenth time Kurt has locked himself in the bathroom, so she and Burt decided to keep the key hidden in an easily accessible spot. As she races back up the stairs she turns around to see Braeden still mesmerized by the television.

Quickly unlocking the door, she bolts in the room only to see her six-year-old son curled up between the toilet and the wall, shaking slightly.

"Kurt baby what's wrong?" She says as she picks her son up and places him against the far wall.

Kurt pants. "Mommy, mommy please!" His eyes are shut tight, cheeks glistening with sweat as he runs his fingernails along the floor again. "Mommy…" Kurt starts to sob quietly, tucking his knees under his chin.

Elizabeth doesn't know what to do. She's never see her son like this before. Should she call Burt? An ambulance? She starts to tear up as she speaks. "Kurt baby what's wrong please baby tell me!"

Kurt pants even faster. His nails scraping loudly against the floor as he chokes out. "Something's wrong with me mommy. Something's really wrong with me, isn't there."

"Kurt nothing is wrong with you. Why would you think something like that?" She smoothes Kurt's short bangs out of his face as his forehead dampens with sweat. She contemplates calling an ambulance.

"Kurt are you sick? Does your tummy hurt?" The little boy is shaking his head before she can finish.

"NO MOMMY!" He shouts. Suddenly he stops, his nails freezing against the floor. Kurt slumps his shoulders and leans back against the wall.

Elizabeth Hummel will never forget this moment. The way her son looked so dejected. The way his muscles gave out as he leaned back. The way he looked as if he had given up already. She'll never forget the look in his eyes. The torment in his features as he raised his head to stare at her. Chills running down her spine as she watches Kurt's tear-stained cheeks rise to meet her face. And then Kurt speaks.

"It's wrong to love boys, isn't it, mommy?"


End file.
